Confessions of a Beauty Junkie

Friday, October 15, 2010

I'm Still Alive

So, contrary to popular belief (and maybe to the dismay of some of you), I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere in western Williamson County. No! I've just had a hard time managing my time and have had too much going on to really post anything worth a damn. The Cliffs' Notes: crazy end-of-quarter at work; the hubs started a new job (YAY!); and my sister brought the beautiful-and-perfect baby Alice into the world last Thursday (DOUBLE YAY WITH A SIDE OF AWESOME!). How that baby can fit her mommy, her daddy, her grandparents, and her uncles and ONLY auntie into her tiny little butt, I have no idea, but we've all set up camp in there (yeah, it's crowded). Anyway. I'm hoping that y'all will forgive me, as I promise to do better. While I check myself into Blogger Rehab, check out what I put together for the October issue of VIP Williamson County. I'm thinking about writing something tentatively titled "The Mascara Chronicles" for November. I got the idea from the ridiculous experience I had at my local Sephora last week. 

Sidebar: any beauty junkie with a pulse knows that our Sephora, while certainly nice to have, can't hold a candle to the big Sephoras in major markets (see: Michigan Ave. location in Chicago). Those citified folks know their shit. Alas, this Sephora seems to have the clueless-chicks-who-look-like-drag-queens market covered. I wandered around in there for almost an hour and spent over a hundred bucks. When I was asked by the checkout chick if anyone helped me, I put on my best bitch face and replied, "actually, no, no one did." (These hos didn't even so much as give me the trademark overeager "HEYHOWAREYOUDOINGTODAY?") My typical how-dare-you tendencies took over before I left when I spotted a fetus trying to push some random crappy thirty-dollar mascara on a sweet lady who looked like she would be friends with my mommy. Oh hell to the no, Sephora Fetus. I swooped in, unasked and uninvited, and sweetly informed said Would-Be-Mama's-Friend that her money would be better spent on the Lancome Oscillating Powerbooster (or, alternately, the Cils Boost). I went into my spiel about my near-rabid love for the Powerbooster, informing her that she could easily get fabulous results from a drugstore mascara once she got the PB on board. With an "eat-it-and-die" smile to the fetus, I went on my merry way to Macy's to buy said Powerbooster. When I got there, the very nice Lancome lady and I chatted a bit, at which point I let her know what a ridonkulous experience I had at Sephora and my resulting mascara sabotage. Her response? "Oh, thank you! [Sweet lady] just came in and bought the Powerbooster with her Macy's card." 

Um, they sell Lancome at Sephora. She instead bought it at Macy's.

Game over, Sephora. I win. 

All right. I'm over myself. Here's my column:

“The All-Stars”

Yay, fall! Finally the heat has abated and given way to a beautiful season, full of new clothing and makeup ideas! Of course, I’d be remiss if I were to not acknowledge the official Fall passtime of the south: FOOTBALL! In keeping with the idea of the first-stringers, the MVPs, and what-have-you, I thought I’d offer a comprehensive list of my current beauty MVPs, also known as the Beauty Junkie All-Stars. Huddle up!

Rodial Glam Balm: I’ve sung its praises until my lungs were ready to explode. There is simply no better all-around elixir for dry skin, chapped lips, raggedy cuticles, and razor burn. It’s a fabulous makeup base in bitter weather. It soothes irriation. It conditions lashes. It imparts a lovely shine to collarbones, knees, browbones, and shins. It has a lovely, non-irriating smell. Plain and simple, it rules all.

Jo Malone Nectarine Blossom & Honey Cologne: a seasonless, never-heavy, always-delicious fragrance that is one of my all-time favorites. Not too sweet, not too spicy, not too girly, just... perfect. Get the big bottle and, while you’re at it, snag the heavenly body cream for long-lasting layering.

Clarins Radiance Plus Self-Tanning Cream-Gel: great daytime moisturizer. Fabulous, never-too-obvious, hint-of-tint facial self-tanner. Non-irritating, great for all skin types. Works great in a pinch to add color to shoulders, decollete’, and legs. One bottle lasts forever. What else could you possibly need?

Lancome Artliner: simply the easiest, fastest way to apply eyeliner ever. Ever! This felt-tip pen application imparts a sharp, precise line that’s never harsh. Alas, my favorite shade is no longer being made, but no worries: there are plenty others that I love dearly.

Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Cream Shadow: the ultimate no-budge, no-slip eyeshadow that comes in a range of shades and finishes, from demure to dramatic, matte to disco-ball sparkle. My favorite shade, Navajo, is an unassuming shade of pale beige, but works wonders as a lid-smoothing eyeshadow base. I won’t make up my eyes without it!

Cover Girl Lash Blast mascara: this huge orange tube contains possibly the best mascara formula I’ve ever used (and I’m ashamed to admit the number of mascaras I’ve tried). Jet-black, brown, waterproof; you name it, Lash Blast has it. Running a close second is Volum’ Express the Falsies mascara by Maybelline. I’ve historically despised Maybelline mascaras, but this one does an awesome job of beefing up wispy lashes with deep, rich color.

OPI Lincoln Park After Dark polish: the ultimate shade for fall and winter. A so-plum-it’s-nearly-black swath on nails and toes is over-the-top sophisticated glamour. Keep nails short when rocking a dramatic shade-- dragon-lady nails in loud colors are just not right on any level!

Bobbi Brown makeup brushes: I splurged on a collection of these during Christmas a few years ago, and I’m so glad I did. From a teeny-tiny eyeliner brush to Bobbi’s big, fluffy signature “Face Blender” brush, these lovelies will help you to put your best face forward.

Lancome Oscillation Powerbooster: I can barely bring up this ridiculously-awesome mascara primer without getting all shouty. With a few swipes of the vibrating brush, a snow-white slip is deposited onto your lashes that makes any mascara in the world work ten times better, end of story. It’s almost forty bucks, but I promise you that you won’t even care once you witness the results first-hand. Like I said, ridiculous. And awesome.

So, there you have it: the ultimate must-haves for fall and every season beyond. Score a beauty touchdown with luminous skin, gorgeous eyes, ultra-glam tips and toes, and a bewitching scent. Game over, you win!